Being previous is a fulltime job

The sending of medical reminders to the over-60s have to be the one factor protecting the postal service going. Some days the medical reminders fill my postbox, my textual content messages and my electronic mail. I’m wondering why they’ll’t develop an annual pit cease, very similar to the mechanic, during which they verify my oil (ldl cholesterol), change my brake pads (knees), and refocus the headlights (eyes). Then, just like the mechanic, they may situation a pink slip, permitting me to get myself registered for one more 12 months.

I’m not saying the medical people don’t imply effectively. I’m not saying they’re utilizing me as one may use an ATM, eradicating cash at common intervals. I’m not saying – I’m actually not – that they’ve personal college charges to pay.

The much sought-after patient, Richard Glover.

The a lot sought-after affected person, Richard Glover.Credit score: Dominic Lorrimer

I’m certain they’ve studied my odds and have concluded – having noticed me first-hand – that they’re all required to rush to my aspect.

All the identical, what number of appointments can one particular person have? Being over 60 begins feeling like a full-time occupation. “What do you do?” a kindly younger particular person may ask at a barbecue. “Oh, I’m over 60. Meaning medical appointments most mornings, an operation or two every year, vaccinations as if one have been a pincushion, after which I slot in paid employment as finest I can.”

At this level, even essentially the most kindly younger particular person discovers they want a recent beer.

It’s not simply the medical appointments. It’s additionally the hairdresser. Except a chap has been given the present of baldness, a person over 60 should attend the hairdresser at the very least as soon as each 5 weeks.

There was a time in my life once I’d let my appointments slide. I’d go away it 10 or 12 weeks and, in that prolonged interval, merely transfer from lad to louche, or from haughty to hippie, or, at finest, from tidy to fashionable. Now not. As soon as you might be over 60, a two-week extension previous your regular hair appointment begins to matter. It’s the distinction between “well-preserved previous canine” and “jogs my memory of the Unabomber”.

Who knew that late middle-age would require such fixed effort?

Holding the load acquire to ranges which might be merely horrific is one other full-time occupation. Fortunately, in our family we’ve been watching the SBS sequence Alone, during which contestants try to survive within the Tasmanian wilderness with restricted instruments. The actually sensible contestants placed on 10 or 12 kilos earlier than they begin, to allow them to survive on their “shops”.


That is excellent news for me. Now, at any time when Jocasta queries my second beer or third serve of nuts, I give it to her straight. “I’m in coaching for the following sequence of Alone. You by no means know when a contestant may drop out on the final minute and the telephone will ring. It’s finest to be continuously ready.”

This brings us again to the medical appointments. I must be thanking the medical world for its care.

When the decision from Alone comes, I’ll want sharp eyes. I’ll want the knees my physio hopes to present me, and pores and skin that’s cancer-free. I’ll want the nice tooth I may have if solely I’d solely reply to my dentist.

As for my haircut, that could be essentially the most essential of all. In spite of everything, I’ll be on TV.

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